The Overvaluation of Having
The end of the holiday season is soon upon us. For many, it began many weeks ago with the draw of Black Friday deals alluring us out of our food comas. And as I’ve been reflecting on my woes with this period of mass commercialization, I’ve realized something important about how consumerism conditions us.
The premise here rests on sorting our human experience into three levels. The levels of being, doing and having. For the sake of this article, we are going to focus on being and having, and the overzealous and disempowering association that’s been built between the two. While having is self-explanatory, being is defined by our emotional state, and how conscious or present we are, or aren’t, in life. Happiness for example, is a state of being. You cannot DO happiness, nor HAVE it, so to speak. But, you can BE happy.
And yet modern marketing has misled our understanding of the discernible difference between being and having. It’s sold us on the association that to HAVE things is to BE happy, focused, confident, etc - that positive states of being are contingent on having or doing something. The clever, and at times unethical, psychology behind marketing has taught us to value having above all else.
Because ultimately, what I think we want most is at the level of being. Most of us consume for the feelings we get. If a product came without good feelings and associations, we wouldn’t buy it! And so marketers have conditioned us to overemphasize this association between having their products and positive states of being.
This is found everywhere, and sadly even in the industries one would think advocating for our best interests. Part of the inspiration for this article came from reading the side of a kombucha can that read;
“Open wide and sip yourself into a state of pure, tropical enlightenment. Lion's Mane mushroom fiercens your focus with memory and cognitive support. Turmeric takes root with primal anti-inflammatory properties. And succulent Pineapple sweetens the deal to make Roaring Pineapple™ the most ferociously fruity way to tame a wild mind.”
WOW! In this can of kombucha I’ve been promised a. Enlightenment b. Focus and c. A tame mind. And while scientific studies have shown these compounds to be of benefit to our physiology, the promises made about them from a small single dose in a can of kombucha are extreme. More importantly, though most of us can rationally accept this as just playful marketing language on a conscious level, our unconscious mind believes every single word of it. It takes it at face value and absorbs it unknowingly. And as the home of our programming, reading many cans like this over the course of a lifetime installs the belief in us that kombucha will in fact make us happy, focused and calm, whether that is true or not.
And in developing this type of association between kombucha, this brand and these states of being, one may heavily value buying and drinking kombucha (not even considering the addictive nature of sugar). Who wouldn’t want to be happier, calmer and more focused?! And while this can of kombucha on its own may not be a big issue, that seemingly infinite brands are competing to show you how their product or service will also bring you similar good feelings, and that many of them are actually more physically harmful than they are willing to admit, is. To give you a clear example, McDonald’s campaign promising big smiles and happiness actually kills people who get addicted to and over consume fast food.
And what I think is even more of a disservice to human kind is the disempowerment these marketing tactics affect on us. Healthier than a fountain soda at McDonald’s undoubtedly, the promises the kombucha brand makes teach us that happiness, focus and calm are OUT there - In something we have (kombucha) and something we do (drink kombucha). Instead of teaching you how to truly be happy, or how to focus, it says “here have this, IT will make you happy. IT’ll give you focus!” As a result, many of us chronically and unsustainably chase happiness, focus, confidence and other positive states of being where they cannot truly be found - outside of ourselves, in the things we purchase and consume.
And so we are often looking away from the place where they truly are: WITHIN!
Because happiness is an inside job that shouldn’t be outsourced to a can of kombucha, anything or anybody but ourselves.
As are focus and confidence.
It’s not that having things can’t complement our personal power, but our relationship with them ought to remain just that: complementary. Energy drinks promise focus. Fast foods promise happiness. Clothing brands promise confidence. What if you could learn how to improve your focus and cognitive processes for the long run? How to be truly happy and at peace? How to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, in who you are, in any situation? When we unconsciously buy into these marketing ploys, we become dependent on consumption, rather than empowered within ourselves.
Because the kombucha might taste great and give you the placebo and perception of focus, even a physiological upper-hand, but if your attention span is untamed and all over the place, no energy drink will reel that in for more than a moment.
The burger and fries may bring you temporary pleasure, but it will not sustain enduring happiness. It will not allow you to forgive or free you from anger. At best, it will distract and comfort you in hard times and bring some fun and entertainment into your life.
That fresh, new hoodie. Yes, it may bring some nice compliments. Yes, you may feel like a badass in it. Yes, it feels like an expression of yourself, your preferences. But does it grow true self-confidence within you? What happens if you were to lose it? Who are you underneath it?
Having things brings us, at best, temporary feelings, often even just the illusion of them. As conscious consumers, we have to separate the narrative marketers are selling us from the reality that we are the true drivers of our own being.
As we all have the capacity within us to learn to focus better, to chose happiness, and to become more confident. And to create these states in enduring ways, regardless of what we are drinking or wearing.
Because better focus comes from getting your mind and your body right, fueling them with a healthy lifestyle. It’s built from attentional practices such as meditation and accentuated by creating spaces for ourselves that minimize distraction. It cannot come sustainably from an energy drink.
Hapiness, put simply, comes from learning to lead a fulfilling, purposeful life. From being true to yourself. From practicing gratitude regularly, seeing the good in life all around you. Prioritizing community, compassion and connection. It cannot come sustainably from a chocolate chip cookie.
True confidence comes from clarity in who you are, what you value, congruency, self-love and self-acceptance. It comes from learning to fail forward and the humility of understanding that all humans, yourself included, are perfectly imperfect. It cannot come sustainably from an article of clothing.
The suggestion here is to start to become more mindful of what expectations you’ve been sold around the products you encounter and buy. Remember that most of this is happening at the unconscious level - and the unconscious mind is where our beliefs live - our thoughts, emotions and actions evolve out of our beliefs, so it’s pretty damn important that we control what we let land in our unconscious minds. By bringing this topic to your conscious attention, you can become more wary of these tactics, how they affect you and can chose more readily for yourself what you believe about what you are buying.
Finally, we ought to place less value on the things we have and more value on our own human potential. Remember that if you want to be more happy, calm and focused - YOU are the only one who can make that a reality. No can of kombucha can do it for you.
Happy Holidays.
With Love,
Quiggy